Me and my relationship with my mother ( I LOVE YOU)

Ok as i was sitting in the car with my mother goin to the store and she had a song playing from the cd in her player and she just said this is the song i used to sing to you when u were a baby. Now i didnt pay to much attention to it when she said that, but we went on with our shopping needs and went from store to store. We finally got to shoprite and she asked me to stay in the car and watch my lil brother as she ran in the store real quick so i said sure. As she went in the store i decided that i would look for the song on her cd and i found it . As i listened to the song at first i was like oh this is just a nice song but then i listened to the words and i just sat there and cried because it was so true and it made me dispise my father even more then i have ever before because i love my mother and i hate that she had to deal with his bullshit. But i sat there in the car and cried and cried and it made me think that i really need to tell her about me because a mothers love is endless , and it made me think of the letter i said in the library and typed up for her telling her about me being GAY. Ok but the name of the song is called "Thanks for my child " by Cheryl Pepsi Riley , for those who dont know she is from "Madea goes to Jail" . i posted the song and lyrics on here so everyone can hear the song



Here is the song lyrics



You came into my life, You just made everything right.And even though my man has left me behind,I don't regret a thing for having you.Thanks for my child,I'm really thanking you, the man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joyThis bundle of loveThanks for my childand though your father, He ran away free.The love I have for you baby, Is the love I have in meI'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will!I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.You make life worth singing a song(echo)You make life worth singing a song'With you right here with me,I 'll have the strength to go on.Thanks for my childHere we are to today, the years have gone byThanks for my childyou grew before my eyes, time after timeThanks for my childI'll hold you in my arms, I hold you close to merock a bye my baby, I'll rock you to sleepI understand your language, Your baby talkYou forgot to crawl, Before you walkedThere you are just looking so beautifulAnd all the while, you are wrapped in blanketsYou are my love child.Thanks for my childI really thanking you, The man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joy, This bundle of loveThanks for my childAnd though your daddy, He ran away freeThe love I have for you babyIs the love I have in me, Inside of meThe love I have in meI just know, I'll never let you go, no, noNo, no, no, oh yehCause you're my sweet babyPapa can't preach, Papa was a rolling stone becauseHe left his beautiful, Cause he left, us aloneBut that's OK cause I'm you mother babyI carried you for 9 months, And I'm gonna carry youUntil you can carry yourself On your ownI love you sweetheart, (child) I love you too mommy!





I also wanted to show everyone the letter i wrote to my mother but i still have givent to her and i am honestly thinking of giving it to her on christmas i would like everyones opinion on this



Dear mom,
There is something that has been on my mind lately, and you may or may have not been able to tell. I just want you to know that I love you and will always love you and I know you love me too and I hope that you will continue to love me. But this is just something that has been weighing down my heart and soul and I am just tired and stressed from hiding this it is like hiding myself from you. And I think of us as friends and I don’t want to mess that up and that is one reason it has taken me so long to say this. There is no other way to say this but I am gay. I think that the reason it took so long for me to say anything because it took awhile for me to admit to myself that I was and now that I have I feel that it would be a lot easier for me to grow if I had my mother by my side in that sense. I hope this is not something that will make you think different of me or the things I do because deep down I am still the son you gave birth to and loved. Many times I told myself what others say mothers always can tell but I wasn’t sure but there were also time that I would tell myself well maybe If she would just ask me It would be a lot easier for me and I would just say yes. I know at this point you are either feeling one of two ways you either feel that you did something wrong in raising me or you accept it and don’t feel any different towards me. I hope and wish so much that it is not the first one because you raised me better then many other mothers could I think I did better with just having you as mom and dad then having 2 parents. I feel as if there was nothing that could have changed the way I am I was born this way and you had no control over it I had no control over it. I really want things to remain the same between us, I am telling you and you only because I really feel like I need that mommas boy bond and that extra person to talk to about things I mean because larissa knows but it is not the same as having you (my mother) know this and having you to talk to about things that bother me. I realize that if this doesn’t go the way I would like you will think of me as different and then our bond will be broken and I do apologize if that has happened. I also feel that you are the only person in the family that I feel comfortable because I do not need everyone’s side talk and shady and phoniness where they are fine with you and then when u gone they have something to say that’s why I would really rather this staying between me and you. Now I totally understand that you might need someone to talk to and if that should happen could you please talk to someone who is understanding and someone who is not gonna let everyone and they momma know because even though I am gay I don’t quite feel comfortable with everyone knowing my business about what I do and who I do it with or who I hang around. Which brings me to another thing I would really love to introduce you to my friends that I have acquired because I talk about you all the time and I really think if u accept this from me you would really enjoy them and would be glad they are my friends its like having a group full of big brothers who look out for me. But I am so glad that I was able to express myself and unload my soul and let you know how I have been feeling for the past year or so that I have been going back and forth about telling you. I really hope this doesn’t change anything between me and you and I want to let you know again that I love you and I always will.
Love,
Your son



i hope that everyone enjoys

What is this feeling

Ok lately i have been a happier Reggie and i feel it is due to more reasons then the holiday season. I would like to think it is due to the fact that i have a boo in my life. I mean i admit at first i wasn't sure but i have noticed that even when i say i am not gonna talk about him i wind up talking bout him, And being on the phone with him makes me smile and feel all warm inside. This is a feeling i havent felt in so long and i love this feeling. Even spending the night at his house was so fun (keep ya minds out the gutter) we just have a connection and we can just sit there and stare into each others eyes for hours and have and just kiss its so romantic. Now i dont know if this is lust or if these are true feelings. Sometimes i just feel like i am sprung and we aint even had sex yet. What do you guys think?

MY Weekend

Never did i expect this weekend to turn out the way it did. It started off like a typical end of the week , I was at fuzzys like usual and we decided we were gonna go to a male review in newark. So we get there and it was wack we got there at like 11 and the strippers aint come out till like 2 but when they did BABYYY. There was ass shaking dick bouncing and nipples being sucked(lol yeah). But they got to dancing and they grabbed one of our friends and put him on the floor and was dragging and pounding him on the floor ( i was so jealous).

Ok now saturday was alot more emotional , we went to a party and we were having fun playing cards and drinking. Well as the night progressed people got more and more drunk and then a friend broke down and let all of his problems out and cried and vented and as me and 2 more friends sat on the stairs to console this friend it got loud so we had to move him into the bedroom. When in the bedroom we consoled even more and as we sat on the floor him in my arms crying i started to tear up and more friends came in to console and there were blessings being thrown out and that made it even more emotional and it made me think that about if i was in that situation and how i wud feel and that broke me down and i couldnt hold it in anymore so as i am standing out in the hall i was being consoled by someone i just met that nite and i felt so safe but then i went outside to the car and it just came out even more and i was like where the hell is all this emotion coming from ?

Its about that time

Everyone you are gonna see a new reggie i get very cheerful and happy when the holidays roll around so from thursday till new years i will be extremely cheerie so if your around me u will see a total different side i think it is time to let all my friends enjoy my happieness hopefully this year i wont be single like i was for new years and stay home and be cheerful on the outside and miserable on the inside i mean i am happy for the people i was around last year for new years and their relationships (Mom and Stepdad, Grandma and her man (yeah), my cousin and his girl, and my other cousin and her husband. I am fine with being the extra wheel but being the extra wheel on holidays just feels even more lonely.

The journey to discover myself

The past few days i have been thinking to myself that i really don't know who i am or what i want in life and it has been getting me frustrated and i decided a few days ago that i was going on a search for myself and i am learning new things about myself, like it took me sleeping with a few guys in dc to break out of my shell i just needed a little push. I also realized that i don't c my self cooking in a kitchen i can more see myself in a catering company or as an executive of a corporate catering company i mean love cook i just don't think a restaurant is the right place for me. I have had to deal with my mother and grandmothers about this because they think i am wasting my life because i am not sure what i want to do but i am still young i look at it i still have my whole life to decide if i would have went to a normal college i would only be a junior so i still wouldn't have a career yet so whats there big issue? I have also come to terms and enjoyment of not necessarily having a boyfriend i am enjoying my single life, I am not saying that i am not looking for a man don't get me wrong i am still in search of my Mr.perfect i know he is out there somewhere waiting for me. But now back to me i think that being one of the youngest and shyest in the group has taken a toll on me and it has changed me alot and forced me to stry away from what i normally do to try and fit in and i am not sure if that is good or not. Because i sometimes feel that when i am myself i am either looked down on or ridiculed (this may not be true but this is how i see it in my head) , and it not something i am used to. Can someone please tell me being myself do i fit in the group? Also someone tell me what they think i need to improve about myself and i want honesty but it is mean i would rather you email it to me blazintrackstar5@aim.com But i would liike everyone to stay tuned as i continue to discover myself in and out

OK here we go

Initially i was gonna blog about my trip to dc but i am not gonna post about it because it was brought to my attention that i was being whorish i admit that i broke out my shell a lil but a whore? I think not . i just dont really understand it .

Men with purse's part 2

Ok here we go was in the ville with the crew and saw it and i was told by fuzzy to hurry up and take a picture of it so i did and he is what i was talking bout. Masculine looking men that carry purses.

I am pissed off

Ok everyone this is my second post for the day prolly more to come tonight. But i just want to get something off my chest i am mad as hell because people stop talking to me all of a sudden and then the moment i put up new pics those same bastard hit me up like wasgood how u been sexy like they aint been ignoring me , my messages, and my phone calls for like the past year or so and then act like nothing fucking happened i dont like that shit at all

NICKNAME

I am tired of my name i would really appreciate if you guys can help me pick out a nickname cuz reggie is no longer cutting it for me. It is just so boring to me so i would like something different. And i am really serious about this i want you guys to help me with one.

i am confused

I am using fake names for everything so just read along. OK so i was talking to my best friends Julissa on the phone and she told me that she was around Rahway and an old teammate of mines little brother was asking about me, mind you i don't ever talk to him i might have said 5-10 words to him in his existence. He started bringing me up and he just came out and asked her if i am gay. Now that is not what worries me . I would just like to know what is the point of all these little kids asking questions about me when they were like freshmen when i was graduating. So its not like they know me to ask about me like that. So my question is why am i the talk of their senior class if i wasn't even the talk of my senior class almost 3 years ago?

Bad luck

i think i just have bad luck y do i always meet guys that disappoint me they lie about there weight now i dont have a problem with big bois i would just appreciate it if you let me know and not say that your inshape when i ask. Then the guys get upset when i am shocked and am lost for words . And then i find the ones that have a smart ass mouth and i know i have one but mine is enough i would rather have someone who isnt as smart as me cuz i dont like people that have clashing personalities dont like confrontation. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

first gay club/bar

so i went to this underwear party with FUZZ, Mr.QT, TYSON, and TY and i was expecting it to be more people there actually in underwear turns out i guess we were the only ones who got the memo lol. My experience was an overall good one besides the fact that i need to learn to speak up and tell people when i am not feeling them because this older guy kept dancing with me and kept pulling me with him but me being the somewhat shy person i am i didnt say anything. But i think i am addicted to clubbing it loosened me up i was dancing and i rarely dance unless it was for a grade or i was drunk but i was sober lol so i think goin to clubs will help me break from my shell i just gotta get someone to go to 18-ova clubs cuz i cant get into any other ones unless they got connections and can get me in the 21 and ova i will be there in may but i dont think imma be a club head just a social goer lol

Men With purses

Is it just me or is a man with a purse very unattractive i have no problem with a feminie guy having one but a masculine man has no business with one and of course i find a masculine guy with one that likes me but i am not attracted to him after seeing this what is everyones views on this?

HOUSE BOI? I THINK NOT

This old guy came into my store and he is friends with my boss and this guy starts talking bout i am a cutie and throwing compliments out there and then he just comes out and says he needs a nice cute house boi to clean his house cook him food and wash his feet and do what eva he says when he says. so i tell him good luck with trying to find that but he said he wanted me to do all this. Now those who know me know i dont take orders from someone who is not my boss or momma and even those two i dont like taking orders from. He gets upset and tells my boss where do you find these stuck up prettybois . Now question am i stuck up? and i already know i am far from a pretty boi i dont have the paitence to be a pretty boi . And another question why do i always find dudes that wanna control me i know i look innocent but that dont mean i am weak.

my first blog

This is my offical first blog dont really know what to do with this just didnt wanna feel left out so i decided to make one to fit in. Peer pressure is a Bitch right lmao but no just wanna c what this whole thing is about