memoirs of a TrackStar

Time for a come back

2009-09-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

I know its been a long time but hell here i am . Its been prolly like a year since i been on here so here wassup i been working and working trying to get back to the east coast. I just don't enjoy being out here in the Lone star state it is boring to me. My love life is very off and on out here people out here don't seem to interest me and the ones that do are not originally from here which is fine or they not interested in me. There are 2 different people that i am pursuing and guess what they both are from La . It is just something about a dude from lousiana Baaaaabbbbyyy (like I'm from new Orleans) lol . One is just your average guy he is an athlete about like 5'11 178lbs funny, smart own place and car. The other i call my pocket thug lmao he is 5'2 109lbs very masculine hard personality thuggish (hence Pocket thug lol a pocket sized thug) and he has that N.O. project accent which does things to me lol. now he doesn't live alone or have a car but it is something i am fine with cuz i don't live alone so i cant talk down about situations i am in myself. We will name them Terrell and JJ lol , Now Terrell has a tendency to fall asleep at the drop of a dime cuz he is very busy which i understand and don't mind i like laying there cuddling so its cool. JJ on the other hand is very awake and alert and i guess it comes from where he grew up so its understandable But i have yet to decide who i want to pursue further into the realm of relationship if either because , where as one is settled into Texas don't wanna do a long distance thing and the other one is willing to move but i am not sure if i am ready to do the whole live in relationship thing lol. Well that's whats happening out here

Ok update time

2008-10-06T02:11:00.000-07:00

OK so this is an update on how i am doing. Since i last posted i failed the typing test for the job i wanted (but its cool), i have an interview at GUESS where!!!! yup back to MACY'S. So things were looking up for me when i posted last but it kinda took a different turn i dont want to say for the worst because i feel it will pay off in the end. So yeah i am not talking to that guy anymore because someone that knew him informed me he had a boyfriend. He neither denied or apoligized for playing games and was like he would offer me his friendship instead. So yeah he is out the picture i dont have the time to deal with him and his BS. As i was on youtube i came across a video that knocked me to my sense's and made me realize that i just need to work on myself and that person i am meant for will find me. Its from Madea goes to jail and it is very true.

I Know its been to long

2008-09-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone i am gonna get back into this whole blogging thing because i need something to occupy my time. So where should i start? Maybe i should talk about my life in texas, and how i am adjusting to it ?

OK well i am gonna start on the basics I am now located in the town of Irving, which is just outside of dallas. As far as me liking it , it is still growing on me it is alot to get used to. Like the bus system it is nothing like NJ Transit buses that run frequently these buses are spread out. And the whole being polite thing i am not used to it, everywhere you go people are saying Hi How Ya'll Doin (in the most country accent i can pull out of myself), i mean i love it but i am used to the rudeness of Newark , and New York. There are quite a few malls in the area i would say about like 6 that i have been too but no H&M so i cant get my fav underwear i gotta work on finding more or i have to oder online, although i did buy a pair of Ed Hardy underwear for 30 dollars lol they are cute. I am also working on getting a job at all state answering the phones and calling customers about insurance issues ( i know me answer phones but hey its a job ) and it could help me get a car and an apartment. Anyone who knows me knows i love to eat and i love having all of these new places to eat i have never eaten at before like sonics, jack in the box, red robin, taco bueno, and Whattaburger(a texas chain buger joint i would put it at the same level as checkers).

Ok and there is someone that i have been conversing with since before I left jersey that lives out here in Texas. I am really enjoying the company he is a really a nice guy (a true southern gentlemen). Talking and hanging with him makes me learn more about myself i found out that i would love to be a provider, yeah i know my friends are prolly like where is the Reggie who talks about the eother guy having money well i guess i am just growing up into the true Reggie. Me and Ryan were chilling the other day at a mall down here and i am not sure if it was me trying to make a very good impression but i wanted to get him what ever he "Needed" not wanted, because he just moved into his own apartment and i felt bad that i couldnt get him anything. He never asked for anything or even hinted that he needed anything i just went into this whole new mode for me "provider" and i was like well you probably need this and that. In the back of my mind i was wishing that i had the money to get those things but i didnt so we just looked. I am also proud of myself because i decieded i am going to wait until i find myself a relationship until i have sex again (so no more being fast).

We have actually spent alot of time getting to know eachother and I have probably told him somethings about myself i havent even told my closest friends. Now i dont know if that is because i just want badly to have at least one person i can turn to out here but i felt comfortable telling him these things. We talked about our dreams, goals, and what we aspired to be. Him and I have similar aspirations and his personality is very similar to mine minus the sarcasm and like myself he is a great kisser ( I will end on that).

Ok now I have no problem with other races at all i have friends of many different races, but i have never been around so many Mexicans at one time now i love latinos I DO just never lived around so many i am used to a bunch of Negros lol. I think there are maybe like 5 other black people in my complex lol . Also these damn rat dogs they are all ova the place all my neighbor's have them and they bark and bite all the time we have yet to get bitten but they are evil nothing like my boo CHILLI lol .

Ok but i dont feel like typing anymore today so if i missed anything just ask me and i will let you know

How i been feeling lately

2008-06-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

Wassup everyone i know i aint been on here in a min but just wasnt feeling it. But i had the sudden urge to post so hear it is lol.

Ok so lately i been thinking about my ex and how i miss him and then how much i am glad we not together lol (yeah i know i sound confused as hell but i am ). So as i was thinking about my ex my best friend starts playing music in her car as we are driving to her house and this song comes on and it just speaks to me its called Rehab by Rihanna I LOVE IT

and then after that song went off there was another song that also spoke to me and it was John Legends Another again

Yeah so those are my feelings lately i dont know what to do about the feelings i keep telling myself that i will get ova the feelings after i take that big move to texas but i think i am just lying to myself

who are we?

2008-04-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

"If you rely on us to do everything for you are you yourself or are you just us? And by us helping you all the time who the hell are we?"

I know people are going to read this and be like what the hell but it is just how i was feeling about my friend

In 10 years

2008-04-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Ok as i was laying in bed i started to think and day dreaming about what my life would be like in 10 years. Ok some of my goals might seem a little far fetched to some but for me i plan on making them happen. I first see myself living in a nice big home that i own with kids, a dog , and a mate to share it with (yeah i want the country house with the white fence. Kinda like the one i live in now lol ). I would have liked to at least try my hands at modeling of some kind preferrably underwear lol . I know some are looking like WHAT!!! lol but for those that know me i have an addiction to underwear and i have a very large collection, and i even have designs that i drew up myself and as soon as i can get someone to make them i will be sporting them lol. Ok i also see myself having run in atleast and OLYMPIC Trials if not an OLYMPIC Games, and after that i see myself being a high school track coach. Then there is cooking now i dont see myself as a resturant owner or head chef in a resturant, but i do see myself as a owner of a catering company, and maybe 1 or 2 cookbooks. Ok now back to the house , kids , and other lol. Now YES i do see myself with kids i dont quite know how i will get them whether is is adoption , having a friend be the mom which 2 already said they would love to do that later on down the line. And as far as my Other i dont know who that will be just right now. But that is just something i thought i should share with you guys lemme know what ya'll think.

Second chances

2008-03-31T23:13:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone i have been dealing with an issue with my ex and him dealing with his issues, and although it didnt end to well i was given an explianation by him and his mother on a 3 way phone call. She was on my side and she felt that he needed to get himself together because he messed up something good which surprised me, because this was the first boifriend i had whos mother even knew he was gay much less held conversations with his boifriend. It was a different but welcomed situation and she also told me that i need to take into mind that he is very head strong and is big on pride so wont except help from anyone and he apoligized for ending things the way he did and i excepted it. Now i do miss him but i dont know whether i should give him a second chance in my life intimately i will always have a place for him friendship wise but i dont know if i can wait all my life for him to get things together. So what should i do?

OK AM I WRONG?

2008-02-27T01:19:00.000-08:00

Ok this is the story one of my best friends in the world got kicked out the house by her mother. So she told me this and me being the friend i am i told her to come ova here so she not sleeping on the streets. Now i didnt think it was gonna be an issue because my cousin and his lil boney ass girlfriend be in his room all damn night into the morning and my grandma dont say nothing to them. So my friend gets here and we are not making any noise ( i make more noise in the kitchen by myself at this time), so we get to my room and then my grandma starts cursing and screaming talking about she has to work every f-ing day and she cant deal with this BS so i just tell my friend to go to my room and i sat there and just listened to her curse and she was like you not brining nobody in my house at this time. So i just said what ever and walked to my room and told my friend she could take a nap before she had to be to work in the morning. So my friend is napping and i hear my cousin try to sneak his girlfriend out the house after he heard my grandma curse so i blew his spot up and asked my grandma why he gets to have his girlfriend which he is intimate with stay ova but i cant have my best friend who has no place to stay stay for a few night and that other lil chick is ova here everynight for the past 3 months. And then my grandma was like thats not important so i got upset and said F-it i am done trying to act like this lil perfect angel in this house when you treat me like a peasant compare to my cousin and everything i do is wrong if its not like what he does. Sometimes i feel like the ugly duckling when it comes to being in her house only i dont feel like there is a swan coming from any of this mess(and i dont mean look wise). But i walked back into my room and sat in my chair cuz my friend was sleep at this point and i know she is gonna call my mother like she always does when i say something she doesnt like. But it doesnt scare me at all because my mother is always on my side, and my thing is i am not gonna let my female friend sleep on the streets at 3 in the morning just to spare my grandma a few hours of sleep because she gets up at 5 am. i realize she works but i am not letting my friend go into a dangerous situation that she doesnt need to be in so she can snore like a damn bear for 2 more hours. Now tell me am i wrong for letting my friend come in?

Haters

2008-02-15T20:47:00.000-08:00

Ok everyone i know i havent posted in a long time but i am here it prolly wont be as frequent but i will get back into blogging. Ok but now to the HATERS i recently got into a relationship and already i have haters lol . Well once it was offical that i wasnt single again then i changed my mood on myspace saying that i wasnt single anymore, well after i did that they hate just started pouring in. People have no respect or class i get messages from these (excuse my language) FAGGOTS lol saying that it wont last and that he is prolly ugly or i am prolly paying him. Well here is what i have to say to those FAGGOTS dont hate because its not with you. It's not my fault ya'll didnt know what the hell ya'll wanted and let me slip through your fingers. I realize that ya'll claimed to like me or was really feeling me but obviously not because you guys didnt make any effort towards anything. Now my boo he made more then just an effort he made it happen and thats why i am with him now. My thing is dont come to me with drama and hate just because you realized you missed out on something good , just congratulate me and keep it moving. I mean i love that people pay attention to me but damn calm down there are plenty of other niccas you can play with they got hearts you can crush but mine is off the market now so eat your hateful words and choke (GAG FAGGOTS) lol

8 for 08

2008-01-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

OK i am gonna try something new i am gonna come up with 8 things that i would wish to do, see, or accomplish in 08.

1. I would love to get a catering company started and off the ground

2. I want to start up my track regiment again (you know gotta keep the track booty up and tight)

3. I want to work on discovering myself even more and understanding what makes me tick.

4. Get a damn car (cuz this walking thing is getting old fast)

5. I would love to do the big brother little brother program once i get myself together.

6. I am going to work on being less ghetto or as MR.QT and my mother call me "hood boogerish"

7. Throw a slamming 21st birthday party because i have had very few parties in my life and this is a milestone.

8. And lastly i would like to strengthen the relationship between me and my mother and hopefully get the nerve and strength to come out to her

Those are my 8 goals for 08 now i would like to c everyone Else's 8s for 08

Me and my relationship with my mother ( I LOVE YOU)

2007-12-23T20:56:00.001-08:00

Ok as i was sitting in the car with my mother goin to the store and she had a song playing from the cd in her player and she just said this is the song i used to sing to you when u were a baby. Now i didnt pay to much attention to it when she said that, but we went on with our shopping needs and went from store to store. We finally got to shoprite and she asked me to stay in the car and watch my lil brother as she ran in the store real quick so i said sure. As she went in the store i decided that i would look for the song on her cd and i found it . As i listened to the song at first i was like oh this is just a nice song but then i listened to the words and i just sat there and cried because it was so true and it made me dispise my father even more then i have ever before because i love my mother and i hate that she had to deal with his bullshit. But i sat there in the car and cried and cried and it made me think that i really need to tell her about me because a mothers love is endless , and it made me think of the letter i said in the library and typed up for her telling her about me being GAY. Ok but the name of the song is called "Thanks for my child " by Cheryl Pepsi Riley , for those who dont know she is from "Madea goes to Jail" . i posted the song and lyrics on here so everyone can hear the song

Here is the song lyrics

You came into my life, You just made everything right.And even though my man has left me behind,I don't regret a thing for having you.Thanks for my child,I'm really thanking you, the man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joyThis bundle of loveThanks for my childand though your father, He ran away free.The love I have for you baby, Is the love I have in meI'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will!I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.You make life worth singing a song(echo)You make life worth singing a song'With you right here with me,I 'll have the strength to go on.Thanks for my childHere we are to today, the years have gone byThanks for my childyou grew before my eyes, time after timeThanks for my childI'll hold you in my arms, I hold you close to merock a bye my baby, I'll rock you to sleepI understand your language, Your baby talkYou forgot to crawl, Before you walkedThere you are just looking so beautifulAnd all the while, you are wrapped in blanketsYou are my love child.Thanks for my childI really thanking you, The man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joy, This bundle of loveThanks for my childAnd though your daddy, He ran away freeThe love I have for you babyIs the love I have in me, Inside of meThe love I have in meI just know, I'll never let you go, no, noNo, no, no, oh yehCause you're my sweet babyPapa can't preach, Papa was a rolling stone becauseHe left his beautiful, Cause he left, us aloneBut that's OK cause I'm you mother babyI carried you for 9 months, And I'm gonna carry youUntil you can carry yourself On your ownI love you sweetheart, (child) I love you too mommy!

I also wanted to show everyone the letter i wrote to my mother but i still have givent to her and i am honestly thinking of giving it to her on christmas i would like everyones opinion on this

Dear mom,
There is something that has been on my mind lately, and you may or may have not been able to tell. I just want you to know that I love you and will always love you and I know you love me too and I hope that you will continue to love me. But this is just something that has been weighing down my heart and soul and I am just tired and stressed from hiding this it is like hiding myself from you. And I think of us as friends and I don’t want to mess that up and that is one reason it has taken me so long to say this. There is no other way to say this but I am gay. I think that the reason it took so long for me to say anything because it took awhile for me to admit to myself that I was and now that I have I feel that it would be a lot easier for me to grow if I had my mother by my side in that sense. I hope this is not something that will make you think different of me or the things I do because deep down I am still the son you gave birth to and loved. Many times I told myself what others say mothers always can tell but I wasn’t sure but there were also time that I would tell myself well maybe If she would just ask me It would be a lot easier for me and I would just say yes. I know at this point you are either feeling one of two ways you either feel that you did something wrong in raising me or you accept it and don’t feel any different towards me. I hope and wish so much that it is not the first one because you raised me better then many other mothers could I think I did better with just having you as mom and dad then having 2 parents. I feel as if there was nothing that could have changed the way I am I was born this way and you had no control over it I had no control over it. I really want things to remain the same between us, I am telling you and you only because I really feel like I need that mommas boy bond and that extra person to talk to about things I mean because larissa knows but it is not the same as having you (my mother) know this and having you to talk to about things that bother me. I realize that if this doesn’t go the way I would like you will think of me as different and then our bond will be broken and I do apologize if that has happened. I also feel that you are the only person in the family that I feel comfortable because I do not need everyone’s side talk and shady and phoniness where they are fine with you and then when u gone they have something to say that’s why I would really rather this staying between me and you. Now I totally understand that you might need someone to talk to and if that should happen could you please talk to someone who is understanding and someone who is not gonna let everyone and they momma know because even though I am gay I don’t quite feel comfortable with everyone knowing my business about what I do and who I do it with or who I hang around. Which brings me to another thing I would really love to introduce you to my friends that I have acquired because I talk about you all the time and I really think if u accept this from me you would really enjoy them and would be glad they are my friends its like having a group full of big brothers who look out for me. But I am so glad that I was able to express myself and unload my soul and let you know how I have been feeling for the past year or so that I have been going back and forth about telling you. I really hope this doesn’t change anything between me and you and I want to let you know again that I love you and I always will.
Love,
Your son

i hope that everyone enjoys

What is this feeling

2007-12-13T01:40:00.000-08:00

Ok lately i have been a happier Reggie and i feel it is due to more reasons then the holiday season. I would like to think it is due to the fact that i have a boo in my life. I mean i admit at first i wasn't sure but i have noticed that even when i say i am not gonna talk about him i wind up talking bout him, And being on the phone with him makes me smile and feel all warm inside. This is a feeling i havent felt in so long and i love this feeling. Even spending the night at his house was so fun (keep ya minds out the gutter) we just have a connection and we can just sit there and stare into each others eyes for hours and have and just kiss its so romantic. Now i dont know if this is lust or if these are true feelings. Sometimes i just feel like i am sprung and we aint even had sex yet. What do you guys think?

MY Weekend

2007-12-02T20:19:00.000-08:00

Never did i expect this weekend to turn out the way it did. It started off like a typical end of the week , I was at fuzzys like usual and we decided we were gonna go to a male review in newark. So we get there and it was wack we got there at like 11 and the strippers aint come out till like 2 but when they did BABYYY. There was ass shaking dick bouncing and nipples being sucked(lol yeah). But they got to dancing and they grabbed one of our friends and put him on the floor and was dragging and pounding him on the floor ( i was so jealous).

Ok now saturday was alot more emotional , we went to a party and we were having fun playing cards and drinking. Well as the night progressed people got more and more drunk and then a friend broke down and let all of his problems out and cried and vented and as me and 2 more friends sat on the stairs to console this friend it got loud so we had to move him into the bedroom. When in the bedroom we consoled even more and as we sat on the floor him in my arms crying i started to tear up and more friends came in to console and there were blessings being thrown out and that made it even more emotional and it made me think that about if i was in that situation and how i wud feel and that broke me down and i couldnt hold it in anymore so as i am standing out in the hall i was being consoled by someone i just met that nite and i felt so safe but then i went outside to the car and it just came out even more and i was like where the hell is all this emotion coming from ?

Its about that time

2007-11-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

Everyone you are gonna see a new reggie i get very cheerful and happy when the holidays roll around so from thursday till new years i will be extremely cheerie so if your around me u will see a total different side i think it is time to let all my friends enjoy my happieness hopefully this year i wont be single like i was for new years and stay home and be cheerful on the outside and miserable on the inside i mean i am happy for the people i was around last year for new years and their relationships (Mom and Stepdad, Grandma and her man (yeah), my cousin and his girl, and my other cousin and her husband. I am fine with being the extra wheel but being the extra wheel on holidays just feels even more lonely.

The journey to discover myself

2007-10-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

The past few days i have been thinking to myself that i really don't know who i am or what i want in life and it has been getting me frustrated and i decided a few days ago that i was going on a search for myself and i am learning new things about myself, like it took me sleeping with a few guys in dc to break out of my shell i just needed a little push. I also realized that i don't c my self cooking in a kitchen i can more see myself in a catering company or as an executive of a corporate catering company i mean love cook i just don't think a restaurant is the right place for me. I have had to deal with my mother and grandmothers about this because they think i am wasting my life because i am not sure what i want to do but i am still young i look at it i still have my whole life to decide if i would have went to a normal college i would only be a junior so i still wouldn't have a career yet so whats there big issue? I have also come to terms and enjoyment of not necessarily having a boyfriend i am enjoying my single life, I am not saying that i am not looking for a man don't get me wrong i am still in search of my Mr.perfect i know he is out there somewhere waiting for me. But now back to me i think that being one of the youngest and shyest in the group has taken a toll on me and it has changed me alot and forced me to stry away from what i normally do to try and fit in and i am not sure if that is good or not. Because i sometimes feel that when i am myself i am either looked down on or ridiculed (this may not be true but this is how i see it in my head) , and it not something i am used to. Can someone please tell me being myself do i fit in the group? Also someone tell me what they think i need to improve about myself and i want honesty but it is mean i would rather you email it to me blazintrackstar5@aim.com But i would liike everyone to stay tuned as i continue to discover myself in and out

OK here we go

2007-10-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

Initially i was gonna blog about my trip to dc but i am not gonna post about it because it was brought to my attention that i was being whorish i admit that i broke out my shell a lil but a whore? I think not . i just dont really understand it .

Men with purse's part 2

2007-10-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

Ok here we go was in the ville with the crew and saw it and i was told by fuzzy to hurry up and take a picture of it so i did and he is what i was talking bout. Masculine looking men that carry purses.

I am pissed off

2007-09-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone this is my second post for the day prolly more to come tonight. But i just want to get something off my chest i am mad as hell because people stop talking to me all of a sudden and then the moment i put up new pics those same bastard hit me up like wasgood how u been sexy like they aint been ignoring me , my messages, and my phone calls for like the past year or so and then act like nothing fucking happened i dont like that shit at all

NICKNAME

2007-09-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

I am tired of my name i would really appreciate if you guys can help me pick out a nickname cuz reggie is no longer cutting it for me. It is just so boring to me so i would like something different. And i am really serious about this i want you guys to help me with one.

i am confused

2007-09-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am using fake names for everything so just read along. OK so i was talking to my best friends Julissa on the phone and she told me that she was around Rahway and an old teammate of mines little brother was asking about me, mind you i don't ever talk to him i might have said 5-10 words to him in his existence. He started bringing me up and he just came out and asked her if i am gay. Now that is not what worries me . I would just like to know what is the point of all these little kids asking questions about me when they were like freshmen when i was graduating. So its not like they know me to ask about me like that. So my question is why am i the talk of their senior class if i wasn't even the talk of my senior class almost 3 years ago?

Bad luck

2007-09-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

i think i just have bad luck y do i always meet guys that disappoint me they lie about there weight now i dont have a problem with big bois i would just appreciate it if you let me know and not say that your inshape when i ask. Then the guys get upset when i am shocked and am lost for words . And then i find the ones that have a smart ass mouth and i know i have one but mine is enough i would rather have someone who isnt as smart as me cuz i dont like people that have clashing personalities dont like confrontation. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

first gay club/bar

2007-09-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

so i went to this underwear party with FUZZ, Mr.QT, TYSON, and TY and i was expecting it to be more people there actually in underwear turns out i guess we were the only ones who got the memo lol. My experience was an overall good one besides the fact that i need to learn to speak up and tell people when i am not feeling them because this older guy kept dancing with me and kept pulling me with him but me being the somewhat shy person i am i didnt say anything. But i think i am addicted to clubbing it loosened me up i was dancing and i rarely dance unless it was for a grade or i was drunk but i was sober lol so i think goin to clubs will help me break from my shell i just gotta get someone to go to 18-ova clubs cuz i cant get into any other ones unless they got connections and can get me in the 21 and ova i will be there in may but i dont think imma be a club head just a social goer lol

Men With purses

2007-08-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is a man with a purse very unattractive i have no problem with a feminie guy having one but a masculine man has no business with one and of course i find a masculine guy with one that likes me but i am not attracted to him after seeing this what is everyones views on this?

HOUSE BOI? I THINK NOT

2007-08-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

This old guy came into my store and he is friends with my boss and this guy starts talking bout i am a cutie and throwing compliments out there and then he just comes out and says he needs a nice cute house boi to clean his house cook him food and wash his feet and do what eva he says when he says. so i tell him good luck with trying to find that but he said he wanted me to do all this. Now those who know me know i dont take orders from someone who is not my boss or momma and even those two i dont like taking orders from. He gets upset and tells my boss where do you find these stuck up prettybois . Now question am i stuck up? and i already know i am far from a pretty boi i dont have the paitence to be a pretty boi . And another question why do i always find dudes that wanna control me i know i look innocent but that dont mean i am weak.

my first blog

2007-08-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

This is my offical first blog dont really know what to do with this just didnt wanna feel left out so i decided to make one to fit in. Peer pressure is a Bitch right lmao but no just wanna c what this whole thing is about