who are we?

"If you rely on us to do everything for you are you yourself or are you just us? And by us helping you all the time who the hell are we?"

I know people are going to read this and be like what the hell but it is just how i was feeling about my friend

In 10 years

Ok as i was laying in bed i started to think and day dreaming about what my life would be like in 10 years. Ok some of my goals might seem a little far fetched to some but for me i plan on making them happen. I first see myself living in a nice big home that i own with kids, a dog , and a mate to share it with (yeah i want the country house with the white fence. Kinda like the one i live in now lol ). I would have liked to at least try my hands at modeling of some kind preferrably underwear lol . I know some are looking like WHAT!!! lol but for those that know me i have an addiction to underwear and i have a very large collection, and i even have designs that i drew up myself and as soon as i can get someone to make them i will be sporting them lol. Ok i also see myself having run in atleast and OLYMPIC Trials if not an OLYMPIC Games, and after that i see myself being a high school track coach. Then there is cooking now i dont see myself as a resturant owner or head chef in a resturant, but i do see myself as a owner of a catering company, and maybe 1 or 2 cookbooks. Ok now back to the house , kids , and other lol. Now YES i do see myself with kids i dont quite know how i will get them whether is is adoption , having a friend be the mom which 2 already said they would love to do that later on down the line. And as far as my Other i dont know who that will be just right now. But that is just something i thought i should share with you guys lemme know what ya'll think.

Second chances

Ok everyone i have been dealing with an issue with my ex and him dealing with his issues, and although it didnt end to well i was given an explianation by him and his mother on a 3 way phone call. She was on my side and she felt that he needed to get himself together because he messed up something good which surprised me, because this was the first boifriend i had whos mother even knew he was gay much less held conversations with his boifriend. It was a different but welcomed situation and she also told me that i need to take into mind that he is very head strong and is big on pride so wont except help from anyone and he apoligized for ending things the way he did and i excepted it. Now i do miss him but i dont know whether i should give him a second chance in my life intimately i will always have a place for him friendship wise but i dont know if i can wait all my life for him to get things together. So what should i do?

OK AM I WRONG?

Ok this is the story one of my best friends in the world got kicked out the house by her mother. So she told me this and me being the friend i am i told her to come ova here so she not sleeping on the streets. Now i didnt think it was gonna be an issue because my cousin and his lil boney ass girlfriend be in his room all damn night into the morning and my grandma dont say nothing to them. So my friend gets here and we are not making any noise ( i make more noise in the kitchen by myself at this time), so we get to my room and then my grandma starts cursing and screaming talking about she has to work every f-ing day and she cant deal with this BS so i just tell my friend to go to my room and i sat there and just listened to her curse and she was like you not brining nobody in my house at this time. So i just said what ever and walked to my room and told my friend she could take a nap before she had to be to work in the morning. So my friend is napping and i hear my cousin try to sneak his girlfriend out the house after he heard my grandma curse so i blew his spot up and asked my grandma why he gets to have his girlfriend which he is intimate with stay ova but i cant have my best friend who has no place to stay stay for a few night and that other lil chick is ova here everynight for the past 3 months. And then my grandma was like thats not important so i got upset and said F-it i am done trying to act like this lil perfect angel in this house when you treat me like a peasant compare to my cousin and everything i do is wrong if its not like what he does. Sometimes i feel like the ugly duckling when it comes to being in her house only i dont feel like there is a swan coming from any of this mess(and i dont mean look wise). But i walked back into my room and sat in my chair cuz my friend was sleep at this point and i know she is gonna call my mother like she always does when i say something she doesnt like. But it doesnt scare me at all because my mother is always on my side, and my thing is i am not gonna let my female friend sleep on the streets at 3 in the morning just to spare my grandma a few hours of sleep because she gets up at 5 am. i realize she works but i am not letting my friend go into a dangerous situation that she doesnt need to be in so she can snore like a damn bear for 2 more hours. Now tell me am i wrong for letting my friend come in?

Haters

Ok everyone i know i havent posted in a long time but i am here it prolly wont be as frequent but i will get back into blogging. Ok but now to the HATERS i recently got into a relationship and already i have haters lol . Well once it was offical that i wasnt single again then i changed my mood on myspace saying that i wasnt single anymore, well after i did that they hate just started pouring in. People have no respect or class i get messages from these (excuse my language) FAGGOTS lol saying that it wont last and that he is prolly ugly or i am prolly paying him. Well here is what i have to say to those FAGGOTS dont hate because its not with you. It's not my fault ya'll didnt know what the hell ya'll wanted and let me slip through your fingers. I realize that ya'll claimed to like me or was really feeling me but obviously not because you guys didnt make any effort towards anything. Now my boo he made more then just an effort he made it happen and thats why i am with him now. My thing is dont come to me with drama and hate just because you realized you missed out on something good , just congratulate me and keep it moving. I mean i love that people pay attention to me but damn calm down there are plenty of other niccas you can play with they got hearts you can crush but mine is off the market now so eat your hateful words and choke (GAG FAGGOTS) lol

8 for 08

OK i am gonna try something new i am gonna come up with 8 things that i would wish to do, see, or accomplish in 08.


1. I would love to get a catering company started and off the ground

2. I want to start up my track regiment again (you know gotta keep the track booty up and tight)

3. I want to work on discovering myself even more and understanding what makes me tick.

4. Get a damn car (cuz this walking thing is getting old fast)

5. I would love to do the big brother little brother program once i get myself together.

6. I am going to work on being less ghetto or as MR.QT and my mother call me "hood boogerish"

7. Throw a slamming 21st birthday party because i have had very few parties in my life and this is a milestone.

8. And lastly i would like to strengthen the relationship between me and my mother and hopefully get the nerve and strength to come out to her

Those are my 8 goals for 08 now i would like to c everyone Else's 8s for 08

Me and my relationship with my mother ( I LOVE YOU)

Ok as i was sitting in the car with my mother goin to the store and she had a song playing from the cd in her player and she just said this is the song i used to sing to you when u were a baby. Now i didnt pay to much attention to it when she said that, but we went on with our shopping needs and went from store to store. We finally got to shoprite and she asked me to stay in the car and watch my lil brother as she ran in the store real quick so i said sure. As she went in the store i decided that i would look for the song on her cd and i found it . As i listened to the song at first i was like oh this is just a nice song but then i listened to the words and i just sat there and cried because it was so true and it made me dispise my father even more then i have ever before because i love my mother and i hate that she had to deal with his bullshit. But i sat there in the car and cried and cried and it made me think that i really need to tell her about me because a mothers love is endless , and it made me think of the letter i said in the library and typed up for her telling her about me being GAY. Ok but the name of the song is called "Thanks for my child " by Cheryl Pepsi Riley , for those who dont know she is from "Madea goes to Jail" . i posted the song and lyrics on here so everyone can hear the song



Here is the song lyrics



You came into my life, You just made everything right.And even though my man has left me behind,I don't regret a thing for having you.Thanks for my child,I'm really thanking you, the man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joyThis bundle of loveThanks for my childand though your father, He ran away free.The love I have for you baby, Is the love I have in meI'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will!I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.You make life worth singing a song(echo)You make life worth singing a song'With you right here with me,I 'll have the strength to go on.Thanks for my childHere we are to today, the years have gone byThanks for my childyou grew before my eyes, time after timeThanks for my childI'll hold you in my arms, I hold you close to merock a bye my baby, I'll rock you to sleepI understand your language, Your baby talkYou forgot to crawl, Before you walkedThere you are just looking so beautifulAnd all the while, you are wrapped in blanketsYou are my love child.Thanks for my childI really thanking you, The man aboveThanks for my childYou brought me so much joy, This bundle of loveThanks for my childAnd though your daddy, He ran away freeThe love I have for you babyIs the love I have in me, Inside of meThe love I have in meI just know, I'll never let you go, no, noNo, no, no, oh yehCause you're my sweet babyPapa can't preach, Papa was a rolling stone becauseHe left his beautiful, Cause he left, us aloneBut that's OK cause I'm you mother babyI carried you for 9 months, And I'm gonna carry youUntil you can carry yourself On your ownI love you sweetheart, (child) I love you too mommy!





I also wanted to show everyone the letter i wrote to my mother but i still have givent to her and i am honestly thinking of giving it to her on christmas i would like everyones opinion on this



Dear mom,
There is something that has been on my mind lately, and you may or may have not been able to tell. I just want you to know that I love you and will always love you and I know you love me too and I hope that you will continue to love me. But this is just something that has been weighing down my heart and soul and I am just tired and stressed from hiding this it is like hiding myself from you. And I think of us as friends and I don’t want to mess that up and that is one reason it has taken me so long to say this. There is no other way to say this but I am gay. I think that the reason it took so long for me to say anything because it took awhile for me to admit to myself that I was and now that I have I feel that it would be a lot easier for me to grow if I had my mother by my side in that sense. I hope this is not something that will make you think different of me or the things I do because deep down I am still the son you gave birth to and loved. Many times I told myself what others say mothers always can tell but I wasn’t sure but there were also time that I would tell myself well maybe If she would just ask me It would be a lot easier for me and I would just say yes. I know at this point you are either feeling one of two ways you either feel that you did something wrong in raising me or you accept it and don’t feel any different towards me. I hope and wish so much that it is not the first one because you raised me better then many other mothers could I think I did better with just having you as mom and dad then having 2 parents. I feel as if there was nothing that could have changed the way I am I was born this way and you had no control over it I had no control over it. I really want things to remain the same between us, I am telling you and you only because I really feel like I need that mommas boy bond and that extra person to talk to about things I mean because larissa knows but it is not the same as having you (my mother) know this and having you to talk to about things that bother me. I realize that if this doesn’t go the way I would like you will think of me as different and then our bond will be broken and I do apologize if that has happened. I also feel that you are the only person in the family that I feel comfortable because I do not need everyone’s side talk and shady and phoniness where they are fine with you and then when u gone they have something to say that’s why I would really rather this staying between me and you. Now I totally understand that you might need someone to talk to and if that should happen could you please talk to someone who is understanding and someone who is not gonna let everyone and they momma know because even though I am gay I don’t quite feel comfortable with everyone knowing my business about what I do and who I do it with or who I hang around. Which brings me to another thing I would really love to introduce you to my friends that I have acquired because I talk about you all the time and I really think if u accept this from me you would really enjoy them and would be glad they are my friends its like having a group full of big brothers who look out for me. But I am so glad that I was able to express myself and unload my soul and let you know how I have been feeling for the past year or so that I have been going back and forth about telling you. I really hope this doesn’t change anything between me and you and I want to let you know again that I love you and I always will.
Love,
Your son



i hope that everyone enjoys